Episode 219. To the Capable Ones: Fiercely Protect What Nourishes You
What happens when you're the person everyone relies on... and you start to feel like you're drowning in everyone else's needs?
After an unexpected hospital visit for my dad, I found myself navigating doctors, specialists, insurance, appointments, and unanswered questions, all while continuing to raise three very active children and manage the everyday logistics of life.
Thankfully, my dad is stable. But this experience has reminded me of something important:
Just because you're capable of carrying something doesn't mean carrying it doesn't cost you anything.
In this episode, I'm talking about the hidden weight of being the capable one, how I recognize when resentment and bitterness start creeping in, and why protecting what nourishes me has become a nonnegotiable part of my life.
I'm also sharing how my 90 Days of Soul Care experiment is showing up in real life, why receiving help is sometimes the most important form of self-care, and an unexpected realization I've had about how much my work, creativity, and self-expression actually nourish me.
Because sometimes what we need isn't to do less. Sometimes it's to make more room for what makes us feel alive.
And if you're a mother, caregiver, entrepreneur, or the person everyone turns to when something needs to get done, this conversation is especially for you.
In this episode, we explore:
The hidden cost of being the person who handles everything
Why being capable doesn't mean being endlessly available
Recognizing bitterness, resentment, and overwhelm as information about your needs
Learning to receive support instead of automatically carrying everything yourself
Why Soul Care matters most when life doesn't leave much room for it
The importance of protecting your joy, creativity, and identity beyond your responsibilities
How to start making room for yourself in the messy middle of life
A few questions to sit with:
What is nourishing you right now?
What have you been missing from your life that you genuinely miss?
What's one thing you can protect this week, even if everything else remains demanding?
You deserve care. You deserve nourishment. You deserve joy. And you deserve a life that belongs to you.
Mentioned in this episode:
🎙️ Episode 218: Who Do You Want to Be on January 1? — Hear more about my 90 Days of Soul Care experiment.
🎙️ Podcast in a Day — Ready to birth that podcast you've been dreaming about? My private three-hour intensive, offered virtually or in person in Tampa, helps take your podcast from idea to publish-ready, with additional support afterward.
[Inquire about Podcast in a Day → https://nicholejoy.hbportal.co/public/podcastinquiry ]
🎙️ Podcasting with Heart — Prefer to do it yourself? Explore my self-paced podcast launch course.
Explore Podcasting with Heart →
Connect with me:
Instagram: @nicole_joy__
Website: nicholejoy.com
Transcript:
I woke up this morning, , today is , Sunday, October 11th. And as part of my soul care practice, I have been creating before I consume most mornings and finding some other form of soul care. Every morning, I'm listening to my audio affirmations track, and then - whatever I do immediately after that has been a little bit varied.
This morning it was talking into the voice transcription app and getting some thoughts organized that was originally gonna be an email to my list, and then I realized after I got it all out that it deserves its own podcast episode.
And I wanna talk about something that I think most of my people, who are women, and many of you mothers, are doing some heavy lifting in the caregiving department, and you may recognize this feeling, and it may feel really personal to you as well, and so I wanna share it with you. , And so what [00:01:00] happens when you're the person who's the most capable to handle all the things, and when you're the person that many people in your life rely on for some form of support When you're the one who's making all the phone calls, handling the logistics, remembering the appointments, scheduling the appointments, figuring out solutions, coordinating schedules, and then somehow you also manage to keep everybody else's life moving You're doing all of the mental work and a good portion of the physical, right?
But what happens when you get tired?
And more importantly, what happens when you start to drown in the weight of everyone else's needs
And I noticed on social media earlier this week that it was World Mental Health Day, and it really made me pause and take a look at some things that are going on in my life [00:02:00] because I've had a week that's brought this into focus for me as well
Last week, my dad had a bit of a medical emergency that landed him in the hospital. I will say he's stable now, so everything is good. Well, all things considered, he's doing well, and we're incredibly grateful for that. And we're still working through some unanswered questions and figuring out what comes next And if you've ever been responsible for coordinating care for an aging parent then you know that the hospital stay is only one part of the equation. You're also navigating multiple different medical specialists and teams appointments, decisions, insurance advocating for your parent managing the uncertainty while you're waiting for answers and if you're a parent yourself, you're continuing to raise, in my case, three very active children and keeping your household and everyone's schedules moving
... Yesterday I negotiated 30 minutes of TV time with my daughter so I could get 30 minutes of quiet and take a nap [00:03:00] I'm really big on these power naps I tend to use, um, a yoga nidra meditation that's 22 minutes and sometimes I'll lay there a little bit longer and it turns into a longer nap, but it is critical for me on those days that I am just drained
During the first five minutes, I got two phone calls. So I restarted the meditation, tried again, and I got two more phone calls within a few minutes. And I just thought, "Well, this is a pretty accurate representation of what life feels like right now."
But I think there's something really important here for us to discuss
And that is what happens when your greatest strengths become the very things that leave you depleted. So if you remember
Back at the end of episode 218, I explained how my design in astrology and human design
makes me very good at handling things. I can manage complexity. I'm capable [00:04:00] of doing and holding quite a bit
And I'm need motivation, if you're not familiar with human design, meaning when I see a need, I instantly get the energy, the fuel to go fill that need
And also as a projector who tends to need more rest than the general population, I'll say, because projectors are only 20% of the population, I tend to need more rest. But that need motivation when it kicks in and is in overdrive, it can cause me to override my need for rest
And admittedly, it can be really difficult to recognize my own limits because of the way that I'm built
And so one of the things that I realized this week is that just because you're capable of carrying something doesn't mean that carrying it doesn't cost you anything. Being capable doesn't mean you're endlessly available. Being [00:05:00] organized doesn't mean you're never overwhelmed. Being strong doesn't mean you don't need support.
And being the person who can handle everything doesn't mean you should have to
Yes, I've done quite a lot of work on myself to expand my capacity to hold, and I can hold a lot. I can hold a lot of things coming at me at once, and I do think I do a really good job at holding. Yes, I have moments where I'm a human and I can be a bit of a bitch, and the shadow side of my projector comes out, which is bitterness, and I can get bitter if I feel
Like I'm not being seen
And I've done a lot of work on learning how to receive. Part of that is receiving help
And sometimes soul care is letting someone else carry something because the solution to being overextended can't always be another thing that you have to do for yourself
And the thing about being a projector and [00:06:00] having that shadow side of bitterness I can feel when it's starting to creep in.
In particular when I don't have enough space for myself I can recognize when I'm getting a little bit out of alignment with what my needs actually are. And the thing about bitterness is that feeling I've started to view as information. When I'm starting to feel bitter, that's an indication that I'm overextended, that I've maybe agreed to more than what I may have the capacity to hold right now, and perhaps that it's time to start allowing myself to receive some support
So what I'll ask you is where in your life have you become so responsible for everyone else's needs that you've stopped asking yourself what you need? And I actually have a friend who asked me a couple weeks ago I was saying, "The kids want this, the kids want that, the kids need this, the kids need that," and my friend said, "But what does Nicole need?"
And something that I wanna play with a little bit is [00:07:00] applying my own need motivation to myself. I generally apply it to everyone else's needs. So if I look at myself and ask, "What are my needs right now? Can I activate the fuel and the energy to fill my own needs?"
And I find it really funny that 11 days ago I started this soul care practice for 90 days for the last quarter of 2026. And it's not just a cute little Instagram challenge. That really has nothing to do with it. In the last episode, I shared with you more details about the 90 days of soul care, so if you haven't heard that, I recommend going back and listening.
But when I first started doing this, I had no idea what was about to happen with my dad, but here we are And now just, , a couple weeks into the experiment, I'm being reminded why I needed this practice in the first place.
Because soul care isn't something that I wanna do only when life gives me space. It's a requirement for how I [00:08:00] care for myself when there isn't any space and when I need to create space
For me, what that looks like is early mornings before the kids wake up Before the calls begin, before the appointments, before the decisions, before the whole world starts asking things of me, I have that window of time. I mean, it is helpful that I'm an early riser. I can't help it.
But I have that window of time that belongs to me, and so how do I wanna use that time? Am I gonna use that time scrolling bullshit on social media or - to nourish myself? 'Cause it might only be 30 minutes. Some days, that's all I get before I have a kid in my bed asking me for something, needing something from me, which is a beautiful thing.
I'm not complaining about it. I love it, and I need things, too. So I have to protect that window of time fiercely
And this is not about creating a perfect morning routine at all. It's about [00:09:00] protecting the relationship that I have with myself, and hopefully that inspires you to protect the relationship that you have with yourself. Sometimes that means protecting your sleep. I am wonderful at protecting my sleep. Ask anybody who texts me after 9:00.
Very rarely will people get a response, and if they do, they're like, "What are you doing still awake?" The people who know me really well are shocked when I respond after 9:00, 9:30.
One of the other things that I noticed this week is how much I need to express myself in my work. That is what I've identified as one of my needs. And I don't mean adding another responsibility on my plate or working around the clock. Different. I mean, I have a need to create. I have a need to record. I have a need to support people and to talk and to listen and to hear what they're working on and working through and what their pain points are, and bring my magic and [00:10:00] bring my medicine to help and support them I have a need to express myself and to express my work and my magic because sometimes what nourishes us isn't doing less, it's making room, creating room for more of what makes us feel alive
And I think there's a really important connection here to motherhood and being a caregiver. I'm a mother, I'm a daughter, I'm a caregiver in what I've now learned is the sandwich generation. I'm responsible for an enormous amount of logistics, and I'm a woman who has ideas. I'm a woman who loves to create.
I'm a woman who loves helping people, who needs to express things, who loves building podcasts and businesses, who loves doing energy work. And those parts of me deserve room to exist as well, not only when everyone else's needs have been met, [00:11:00] because let's be honest, is that actually ever going to happen?
Are everyone's needs always going to be met? It's, it's almost like asking yourself, is your house ever going to be perfectly clean? Not if there's kids living there
While you're cleaning, your kids are, are playing and creating a new mess, and that's fine, right? , Is laundry ever gonna be done? No, because you're wearing clothes right now while you're catching up on all your laundry. So waiting for that moment doesn't make any sense
and many women, what I have found start treating their own joy and their own needs as something that they have to earn after they complete their responsibilities, after everyone else's needs are met, after the house is perfectly clean, if that exists, after all the laundry is done and you know what? I call bullshit because that can - really be dangerous to us over time
So what I've decided to do to be a bit less of a bitch, just to be honest, is to [00:12:00] protect my needs fiercely
And if this is speaking to you, if you're managing everyone else's schedule, if you're a daughter or a son, 'cause maybe there's a guy listening, I don't know, coordinating care for your aging parents, if you are an entrepreneur and everyone's depending on you, if you're the partner carrying the majority of the mental load, if you're constantly solving everyone else's problems, and you are the one who can always figure things out, and you are the most capable, so everyone leans on you because you're so capable, I really encourage you to pause and ask yourself, what is nourishing you that has nothing to do with being useful to someone else?
And I know it's a little bit cliche to say , you can't pour from an empty cup, right? So I'm not gonna necessarily say that, but I do want you to sit with What needs of yours being met would make you maybe less of a bitch? Not saying you're a bitch, but I, I am a bitch when my needs aren't met.
I feel it coming. That's the bitterness. And it might be [00:13:00] something else for you, but what makes you feel alive? What's bringing you joy, and what reconnects you to yourself? What do you miss doing? And what parts of yourself have you put on hold because everyone else's needs seem more urgent? And what would it look like to protect one of those things this week?
Maybe not every day, and not perfectly, but with intention. And joy doesn't always look like leisure. Joy could be movement. Joy could be solitude and being alone, sitting in bed with a heating pad on my stomach and a hot cup of coffee when the house is quiet and there's low lights on That's fucking joyful for me.
It's meaningful. Nourishment is personal and nobody else gets to decide what yours should look like
And if I'm being perfectly honest, there are about 3,792 other things that I could be doing in this exact moment on a Sunday morning. And some of them are important, but this is important too. Using my voice is not just important to [00:14:00] me, it is a need. Creating is important to me.
Sharing my work is important to me. And I refuse to keep putting those things at the bottom of the list simply because I'm capable of handling everything else. I have to protect this fiercely so that I'm a little less of a bitch. I joke, but seriously
And listen, I haven't figured out how to balance it all. I'm practicing. This is what we do. Doctors call their work practice, right? They're practicing. I'm not a doctor, but I am a mother. I am a badass, and I am practicing. I'm figuring out how to make space for everybody else and me. I'm figuring out how to choose myself in little ways that compound and become big things in big ways
You don't have to wait until you've made it through the difficult season of your life to do what brings you joy and to use your voice. You can speak it from the messy middle with discernment and not necessarily exposing everything
[00:15:00] Here's my invitation to you if you have time over the next day, two days, whenever, whenever you hear this sit with these questions What is nourishing to you right now? What has been missing from your life that you genuinely miss? And what's one thing that you can protect this week even if everything else remains demanding?
And if you're the one who everyone else is relying on, I hope you remember that you deserve to be someone you can rely on too. Not because you need to become even more capable, but because you deserve care, you deserve nourishment, you deserve joy, and you deserve a life that belongs to you. You don't have to disappear inside of your responsibilities to everyone else, and you don't have to wait for life to become less demanding before you start making room for you
And speaking of protecting the things that bring us joy, obviously one of the things that I'm making room for right now is helping people birth their podcasts. I mentioned this, , last episode, I think, but I've been podcasting [00:16:00] since 2019, and this work brings together things that I absolutely love.
, Helping people use their voices and taking all of that messy, creative, logistical pieces of an idea and turning it into something real. So if starting a podcast has been something that's lingering and sitting on your heart, I'm opening up a few private podcast-in-a-day intensives. That's a three-hour focused block of time for us together, either virtually or here in Tampa, we can do it in person, plus a few weeks of support to help you take your podcast from idea to publish ready.
There's a link in the show notes that you can fill out a form and give me some more information about the podcast that you wanna birth. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be complete. You don't have to have every answer yet. That's part of what we're gonna be doing together. And once you fill out that inquiry form, I get the email and I'll take a look. We'll schedule a 20-minute chat to see if Podcast in a Day is a good fit for you and how I [00:17:00] can best help.
And if DIY is more your style, I do have a complete on-demand course for taking your podcast idea from idea to launch. The course is called Podcasting with Heart, and there's also a link in the show notes with additional podcasting resources
Have a wonderful week. I'll talk to you soon. .